I feel as if the fuse has been lit on a bomb that I am helpless to disarm

I sat on the stairs, waiting for you to come

I waited all night and then you walked through the door

Dark hair, bright eyes, cut lip and plugged in

Only Lydia knew both our thoughts.

The feverish tunes on a sick guitar,

Playing melodies of desires so strong.

Warm hands interlocking safety in my mind

Small commitment enlarges my smile.

I’m addicted to saying your full name

Boy you laugh and I can’t think

The waterfall of emotion hits hard in my chest

I can’t go back to my old dimensions.

Overcoming common logic, all sense aside

You’re mesmerizing aroma held under my nose,

I sunk my teeth into the idea of love.

Without you I’m average.

Stars erupt throughout the sky

That gentle soft grass cushioned our stay

Our words held hands in the night

And that’s when I knew you were my best friend.

“God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me” -Sara (Gen. 21:6)

I am happy.
I love happy people.
When they are happy, so am I.
Laughter is inner Jogging.

So many times it seems as though we are in a state of distress. Simply waiting for good things to happen to us in order to be happy. But I say Stop waiting for someone to make your day. MAKE YOUR OWN.

I feel like often times we live in the past. And ask ourselves, "Why can't the present be as good as what it used to be?" But Abraham Maslow once said, "The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness." We have to be strong and look ahead. Sometimes being strong can be a very lonely thing. I know it's not a sin to get down sometimes, but we have to learn to look on the bright side. In the book The Great Gatsby I recall reading one time, "It eluded us then, but that's no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther...and one fine morning so we beat on the boats against the current, born back ceaselessly into the past." Our experiences should help us grow and be happy. Not make us be stuck in idle pursuit of our own will. Often times it seems like bad things always are happening to us. But the earth has music for those who listen. William shakespeare wrote that. Besides, every blind bird stumbles on a worm every now and again.

Relax.

Laugh.

Nothing is ever for sure. That much I do know.

Memories I have of you,

the thoughts

Number the

Blades

of Grass in this

Cemetary.

That of the Dead.

And yet,

Everything here

Blooms...

You are the ART. A Master piece.

The golden frame surrounds the masterpiece,
enticing each stroke.
The canvas boasts each color,
flashing serenity from all angles.
I want to dip my hand in that
river of color,
coast with my gliding brush
in every corner. And
paint on every surface
My name.

You Create

Your music pounds in my head
harder than a rock.
I grab my hair and plead for it to stop
but you won't leave me be
not now,
not ever.
The melody fills my eyes with liquid
liquid notes that roll down my cheeks
slide off my face.
Each drop a new note
multiplying out of tune
hitting the ground as a different key.
And you, the chorus line,
dance in rapid cadence.
My hands are clasped,
clasped so tight
in hope I won't fall out of my bed
from the vibrations of beauty you create.
You create
as I see you walking by.
Each movement a symphony.
My heart beats to that rhythm
and you,
you play the drums.

Life Can Be So Randomly Beautiful...

Snapshot Memory....

It was just my cousin, Merilee, and I. With the sun shining down on our suntanned skin, the Suday afternoon's grass rippled around us like the sea on a breezy day. Our dresses followed the same motions. The fresh aroma filled my nose as I scanned the area around us. Everything was so perfect and full of life. Merilee's long dark brown hair had a soft glow from the sun and her eyes wore a perfect glaze of shine over their deep brown color. Her expression was that of a deer just awaking. Across both our faces freckles were scattered. "How many freckles do you have today?" Grandpa would ask us it seems every day of that summer. She glanced across the park at the swimming pool that lay in front of us. I drew in a deep breath from that glorious color of pure blue goodness as it sparkled in the warm sunlight. It gave us so much energy. The state of our minds: Pure Bliss. The expectations of the future brought us forward and the reminiscent memories of chilhood pushed us back. Swinging high and pumping our legs hard. Never did we wear shoes even with the 3 blocks we ran to get there. Our smiles could run a thousand miles. The word "Freedom" was floated about the blue sky. And that we were. In pricless measures. Summer had just begun and nothing was in our way. We could do whatever we wanted and go where we wanted to go. Best friends since birth. Little we knew what was to become of our 'Summer Dreams'

Summer is a fever of sorts. Hot and Deceptive...Like Love

The other day my sister Lenise and I were talking and she asked me if I was ever in Love. Love? I thought… oh great what does that even mean? I told her I wasn’t sure. After much thought I came to a conclusion about what I think Love really is. Please let me know if I’m wrong:

Love in the dictionary says, “A feeling of warm personal attachment or a profoundly passionate affection for another person.” I believe that… but with that definition you could exchange the word love and replace it with lust. They are not the same thing to me, they are the opposite. Lust is jealous. Love is humility.  One of my favorite quotes is by John Bytheway: “Remember, before you are married, you will be more respected and more attractive for the affection you withhold then the affection you give.”

In Love, there’s no pride involved. It’s the 2 not the one. It’s them becoming one not 2. Understanding and respect are essential to love, and I don’t think that can come from talking together, even over a period of days and months. That can only come in years of experience. It is only when you consider each other’s problems as one and the same that you will find love. Sometimes when you love someone you have to give something up to keep them. When you realize you’d give up all your things (as in your possessions), that is when you will know they are worth it. Love is doing anything for them because you know it will make them happy, even if doing it makes you sad. Sometimes Love is cruel. But, like it says in Hamlet: sometimes we must be cruel to be kind. In the end actions in the name of love are never selfish.

 But Hey what do I know? You might want some words from the more wise:

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." -- Natalie, age 9

Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." --

Dave, age 8

"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10

 

The BEST Place to Sing is in the Car

I've got this feeling

the feeling of something blazing

rushing and excitful

my childhood seems to end

gone is the high piled dirt,

the clean face and folded hands.

The small no worry life

into freedom driven with

foot, mind and skill.

Only to find myself...

with folded hands

with a clean face

with high piled dirt...

I wrote this when I got my license because I felt so old and I had so much freedom. But, with freedom comes responsibility. Somtimes I didnt' know how to react to what was coming my way. Eventually I realized that overcoming problems we face are easier when we remember the simple things in life like we did when we were children...

Strenght isn't something you have. It's something God helps you find. Usually we have tofind it one day at a time.

Things happen for a reason. You just have to trust that what happens is something that is supposed to happen. It's hard because you may not see the good that comes from it right away or even for 10 years. But, when you realize the purpose of your experience, you will be grateful. It’s like all the bad stuff you went through that you hated along the way, the people who disappointed you, the things that didn’t go the way you wanted; suddenly you feel grateful for them, because those are the things that got you here. To where you are now.

The Graveyard

I know this may sound odd, but I love graveyards. Some people think they are scary but I find them rather peaceful and sacred. Like a connection with the afterlife. Who wouldn't want that connection? I sat pondering life and how much I take it for granted. I observed a scene that I would like to share with you:

A car pulls up blank and slow

She is here once again for him below

Kneeling beside a simple gray stone

Her head she bows and prays alone

A small yellow flower she places on the side
and yet again the tears soon slide
Not only for hurt, misery and pain
But jealousy for his glorious gain.
On her finger she twists a golden band
and traces his name with her frail small hand
Her heart beats tenderly, peaceful and true
and whispers softly, "I'll soon come to you."

Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms the child.

One of my best friends inspired me to make a blog yesterday. I thought about how I should go about creating it for a long while. I couldn't come up with one specific thing I wanted so this maybe the most random thing you have ever read. But I guess that's my life. Random things that all mesh together to create me. So i'd like to share those experiences through stories, thoughts, poems or whatever I feel that day...